When Your Search History is Revealed
by Jesse Jost
There is no such thing as a private moment. One of the great corrosive lies spread through the invention of the internet and hand-held devices is that lust can be indulged privately and anonymously, without consequence and without shame. But there is always a record of the pages you have visited and what you have searched. Jesus warned us: “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” Luke 8:17.
I wish that I could say that I have nothing to hide. That if everything I have put in the search bar was revealed, and everything I have allowed on my screen were put on public display, that I would have nothing to fear. It is to my shame that I have let lust hijack my curiosity and I have foolishly ventured into dangerous territory.
I visit a facebook site and it tells me which of my friends have checked in at this site and I have a moment of panic: are there pages I have peeked at in moments of weakness in the past that are currently tattling on me?
The fear of being found out is a powerful deterrent. But the damage that is done to the soul happens whether another human finds out or not.
I have been so angered and disheartened by the cases of sexual abuse and molestation that have come to the surface lately and I vow to never be one of the perpetrators.
But I also know the seeds of such abuse are planted in secret whenever I am tempted to look at another woman selfishly or indulge in a private fantasy. I am shocked by the secret desires that rise to the surface in such moments.
If I am not diligent to fight these private battles it will only be a matter of time before I am enslaved to them and a host of pain, brokenness, and betrayal will be left in their wake.
I want to be a man of integrity, and I want to lead my sons in the fight against sexual impurity and the degradation of women, but there is an enemy within that constantly lurks and threatens to sabotage my best efforts.
It is only in surrender to Christ that I am truly free. Because of the cross I am declared pure and righteous, but it is in the moment to moment battles that my freedom to love selflessly and with a pure heart is won by His grace and mercy.
I don’t know what material you have viewed in the past or what sites are enslaving you, but God does and you can be sure your sin will always find you out. Yet I do know that God is not like a surveillance agency waiting to jump on you and catch you in a wrong so He can expose you.
He is a loving Father longing for your good. He wants you to exchange the poisonous bait of Satan and replace it with pure and holy pleasures that can be enjoyed without shame, pleasures that will bring you closer to Him and fellow believers.
It doesn’t matter how dark or shameful your past, you can bring it all into the light and find grace and forgiveness. You can be free to become the godly protective man that God created you to be.
If the thought of being found out is crippling you with fear and guilt, then bring it into the light. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse of from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9) But you must confess. Don’t leave it hidden, vowing to do better next time. Concealed sin will continue to cut you off at the knees.
Your past will be revealed, that is not an option. The only options you have are voluntarily confess and find grace and healing, or to be found out against your will and receive the consequences of guilt and shame.
Freedom feels so good, my friend. Your pride will scream and rebel against the idea of confession, but covered sin will always drag you down and take you farther than you ever wanted to go.
We are all broken by sin, we all have moments we want to hide. None of us are pure in our own track record. But Jesus offers the unimaginable: He can take your rotten past, your habits that are destroying you, and give you hope and a brand new start.
Please come to the cross! Let that awful burden fall from your shoulders. Seek out a loving accountability partner and let the healing begin.
This world is full of men who are being dragged down by habits they think are private, and are slowly being turned into monsters beneath polished exteriors.
Meanwhile, woman after precious woman is bearing the consequences. We are in an epidemic. Society is falling apart. But it’s not too late to turn things around.
Change can start with you and humble confession. There is grace for your past and power for your future. This world desperately needs you to fight with Christ’s power and clothed with His purity.
Related: Confessions of a Purity Advocate